You walk into a room, and finding that it has more then 23 people, you inform the management that there is an error. / You find yourself tilting your head when you smile. / Your AOL bill is more than your phone bill. / When laughing, you find yourself saying “LOL” outloud. / You get more e-mail than snail mail.

From: (HAND!)
To: Recipients - HAND
Date: Mon Jul 20 08:25:53 CDT 1998
Subject: Your ‘Have A Nice Day’ Laugh #0817

YOU MIGHT BE AN AOL ADDICT IF…

  • You walk into a room, and finding that it has more then 23
    people, you inform the management that there is an error.

  • You find yourself tilting your head when you smile.
  • Your AOL bill is more than your phone bill.
  • When laughing, you find yourself saying “LOL” outloud.
  • You get more e-mail than snail mail.
  • When introducing yourself to anyone, you use your screen name.
  • You are no longer afraid of a mouse.
  • You’re awake for a lot of sunrises.
  • You are a male and see a female in the “real” world that you wish
    to meet, your first thought is to IM her.

  • You are a female and see a male in the “real” world that you wish
    to meet, your first thought is that you wish he would IM you.

  • You don’t understand the humor in the above-mentioned item, since
    the “real” world is not at your fingertips.

  • When seeing someone you wish to meet, your second thought is
    wishing they would be on AOL so you wouldn’t have to meet them in
    person.

  • You go up to people you are attracted to and ask for their GIF.
  • Although you don’t know what they look like, you become insanely
    jealous of people that are hitting on your cyber-love.

  • You don’t even know what your cyber-love looks like.
  • The only way that your child can get your attention is by:
    • Standing in front of your screen
    • IM’ing you
    • telling you that Steve Case is calling you on the phone
  • When your spouse is mad at you, they threaten to erase your
    e-mail, and you humbly, earnestly, and quickly beg for forgiveness.

  • When at work, your boss constantly reminds you that the letter
    “i” should be capitalized.

  • When going on a job interview and asked if you have any questions
    about the company, your first response is to ask if they are on AOL.

  • When looking at signs, you wonder why they’re always yelling at you.
  • When leaving to go to the bathroom, you find yourself saying, “BRB.”
  • When meeting a stranger, you ask for their profile. If they have
    none, you ask for an agesexlocation check.

  • Your spouse now complains of you moving your fingers in your
    sleep instead of talking.

  • You dream in text.
  • Tech support calls YOU for help!
  • You watch TV with the sound off and the close-captioning on.
  • You double-click your remote.
  • You beg your friends to go online so you can “hang out”.
  • You’ve gotten on a plane to meet someone face to face
  • You’ve met over a 100 AOLers.
  • You have over 100 people on your buddy list.
  • You sign on and immediately get ten IMs from people that have you
    on their buddy lists.

  • You meet people face to face, and you don’t know their real names.
  • You’ve known people for years, and you don’t know their real names.
  • You’ve typed, “Drinking on AOL is better than drinking alone.”
  • You have a vanity tag with your screenname on it.
  • You no longer use capital letter, proper punctuation, or complete
    sentences.

  • You type over 70 WPM.
  • You type faster than you think
  • Three words: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome
  • When someone asks, “What did you say?” You respond, “Scroll up!”
  • You have an identity crisis when someone uses a screenname
    similar to yours.

  • You change screennames so much that you have to check your
    profile to figure out who you are.

  • You’ve invited ten or more strangers to your house only because
    they were cool online.

  • You have a second line just for you computer.
  • You type messages to people while you’re speaking with on the
    phone at the same time.

  • You smile sideways.
  • You spend at least 30 minutes making sure you say goodbye to
    everyone before signing off.

  • You bring a bag lunch to your computer.
  • You go through AOL withdrawal during dinner.
  • You wake up and your first instinct is to go online before having
    a cup of coffee.

  • You use AOL lingo in your “real” life (if you still have one)
  • You stop using whole words like BRB, TTYL, dunno, gotta, etc…
  • You got your psychiatrist addicted to AOL and are now undergoing
    therapy in private rooms instead of his/her office.

  • When you die, you want your computer buried with you — or vice
    versa.

  • Being called a “Newbie” is a MAJOR insult.
  • There’s absolutely no interesting chat in any room and you are
    really bored — yet you don’t want to leave in case you miss
    something.

  • You enjoy being called an AOL addict.
  • You understand the humor in all of these jokes because you have
    committed them yourself.