YOU MIGHT BE AN AOL ADDICT IF...

You walk into a room, and finding that it has more then 23 people, you inform the management that there is an error. / You find yourself tilting your head when you smile. / Your AOL bill is more than your phone bill. / When laughing, you find yourself saying "LOL" outloud. / You get more e-mail than snail mail. From: (HAND!)
To: Recipients - HAND
Date: Mon Jul 20 08:25:53 CDT 1998
Subject: Your 'Have A Nice Day' Laugh #0817

YOU MIGHT BE AN AOL ADDICT IF...

• You walk into a room, and finding that it has more then 23 people, you inform the management that there is an error.
• You find yourself tilting your head when you smile.
• Your AOL bill is more than your phone bill.
• When laughing, you find yourself saying "LOL" outloud.
• You get more e-mail than snail mail.
• When introducing yourself to anyone, you use your screen name.
• You are no longer afraid of a mouse.
• You're awake for a lot of sunrises.
• You are a male and see a female in the "real" world that you wish to meet, your first thought is to IM her.
• You are a female and see a male in the "real" world that you wish to meet, your first thought is that you wish he would IM you.
• You don't understand the humor in the above-mentioned item, since the "real" world is not at your fingertips.
• When seeing someone you wish to meet, your second thought is wishing they would be on AOL so you wouldn't have to meet them in person.
• You go up to people you are attracted to and ask for their GIF.
• Although you don't know what they look like, you become insanely jealous of people that are hitting on your cyber-love.
• You don't even know what your cyber-love looks like.
• The only way that your child can get your attention is by:
  • Standing in front of your screen
  • IM'ing you
  • telling you that Steve Case is calling you on the phone
• When your spouse is mad at you, they threaten to erase your e-mail, and you humbly, earnestly, and quickly beg for forgiveness.
• When at work, your boss constantly reminds you that the letter "i" should be capitalized.
• When going on a job interview and asked if you have any questions about the company, your first response is to ask if they are on AOL.
• When looking at signs, you wonder why they're always yelling at you.
• When leaving to go to the bathroom, you find yourself saying, "BRB."
• When meeting a stranger, you ask for their profile. If they have none, you ask for an agesexlocation check.
• Your spouse now complains of you moving your fingers in your sleep instead of talking.
• You dream in text.
• Tech support calls YOU for help!
• You watch TV with the sound off and the close-captioning on.
• You double-click your remote.
• You beg your friends to go online so you can "hang out".
• You've gotten on a plane to meet someone face to face
• You've met over a 100 AOLers.
• You have over 100 people on your buddy list.
• You sign on and immediately get ten IMs from people that have you on their buddy lists.
• You meet people face to face, and you don't know their real names.
• You've known people for years, and you don't know their real names.
• You've typed, "Drinking on AOL is better than drinking alone."
• You have a vanity tag with your screenname on it.
• You no longer use capital letter, proper punctuation, or complete sentences.
• You type over 70 WPM.
• You type faster than you think
• Three words: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome
• When someone asks, "What did you say" You respond, "Scroll up!"
• You have an identity crisis when someone uses a screenname similar to yours.
• You change screennames so much that you have to check your profile to figure out who you are.
• You've invited ten or more strangers to your house only because they were cool online.
• You have a second line just for you computer.
• You type messages to people while you're speaking with on the phone at the same time.
• You smile sideways.
• You spend at least 30 minutes making sure you say goodbye to everyone before signing off.
• You bring a bag lunch to your computer.
• You go through AOL withdrawal during dinner.
• You wake up and your first instinct is to go online before having a cup of coffee.
• You use AOL lingo in your "real" life (if you still have one)
• You stop using whole words like BRB, TTYL, dunno, gotta, etc...
• You got your psychiatrist addicted to AOL and are now undergoing therapy in private rooms instead of his/her office.
• When you die, you want your computer buried with you -- or vice versa.
• Being called a "Newbie" is a MAJOR insult.
• There's absolutely no interesting chat in any room and you are really bored -- yet you don't want to leave in case you miss something.
• You enjoy being called an AOL addict.
• You understand the humor in all of these jokes because you have committed them yourself.

Posted by glenn at July 20, 1998 08:25 AM | TrackBack